26 October 2011

God: the Master Gardener

God is crazy creative.  I love how all of like is a parable that points us towards him.

When you add water to a seed in the right environment, in rich soil and in favorable weather, a beautiful things happens.

It grows. 

Carrots: one of my winter crops

 It grows a lot.

From a little thing, a little speck that could be lost in the dust, grows life.  Beautiful, green, life.  God infused it with whatever chemistry it needs to transform from a negligible capsule into a unique something.  A unique, complex creation that exudes life and breath.

It doesn't happen overnight.  Or even over a few nights.  It takes time.  Some plants take just a few weeks to mature, and some take months.

A big, bright zinnia, 4 months in the making
I love that Jesus describes faith as a seed that grows.  Granted, he doesn't go into detail about the plant after it takes root.  In this parable, he just talks about the environment the "seed" needs to grow: protection from temptation, from the tempter, and to be deep enough in the soil to get a solid foundation of roots.

But what then comes next?  It has to grow more if it will be any good, if it will produce fruit, flowers, or more seeds.

It has to fight of the pests that would like to eat it (like temptation, it will never go away).
My baby snow peas; they survived an attack by snails :)
It has to have the room to grow roots (weeds can so easily overshadow it, block it from the sun, steal its water and nutrients - like our worldly desires for power, sex, and money).

It has to be pruned so it will produce good fruits or flowers - taking out the dead, dying, and weak parts to allow the energy to go to the good parts.
This marigold plant is wasting its energy on all of those dead flowers, and this new bud - which usually takes just a few days to emerge - has taken weeks.
It has to fight of disease (weariness?), it has to get plenty of water and sun (like food - spiritual food in the Bible, teaching, and prayer), and it needs some good organic matter in the soil to give it the nutrients it needs (like we need a pick-me-up from the rest that God so brilliantly designed for us).

And did you know, some plants need others nearby to pollinate.  It's not incredibly likely that corn will pollinate itself.  Stalks of corn depend on the wind to blow its pollen onto another corn plant - which means the pollen needed to make the corn grow is often blown away from the baby ears of corn on the plant it originated from.  It has to be plants in blocks of rows because it relies on the other's pollen.  It's like community.
Okay, peppers don't need community.  But look at all of the cute peppers hanging out together :)
I have to say, I never thought I'd learn so much about God by gardening.  I swear, every day I go out to my garden, I feel like I finally "get" a parable or an image from the Bible or something new about who God is and the earth He created.

He's a pretty cool fella with very fun ways of getting his point across.

13 October 2011

Running Youth

It's fleeing.

I last saw it 4 or so years ago.

4 years ago, I was confused.  My hand hurt.  Why did it hurt?  I hadn't knocked it, I hadn't bumped it.  Had I done something in my sleep?  Why was it so swollen and why did it hurt so bad?

Doctor 1 wasn't so sure.  Maybe it was a sprain?  I should see a specialist.

Specialist 1 wasn't so sure.  Wear a splint, he said.  Do some tests, he said.  Take it easy.

Then I got this weird back pain.  Bad back pain.  I-couldn't-move-without-crying back pain.

Doctor 2 wasn't so sure.  Take some Vicodin, he said.  And see the physical therapist.

I took the tests, I saw the right people.  No clues, no evidence.

More tests, Specialist 1 said.  An MRI, he said.  So I dragged myself to the lab with the big machine, and I laid there with my arm stretched way above my head for an hour or so.

Oh, that's funny.  "You should see Specialist 2," Specialist 1 said.

Specialist 2 was a nice man.  I liked specialist 2.  And he made things clear.

"Psoriatic arthritis."  Arthritis with the bonus of psoriasis.  I'd need treatment.  Serious treatment.

And that's when it ran away.

I had to switch to Specialist 3.  He was nice.  He was conservative.  And had terrible taste in art.

His treatments didn't work.

I went back to Specialist 2.  For a year or more.  His treatment was better.  His receptionist made me feel cared for.

His treatment makes me violently ill when I'm in the sun for more than 15 minutes.  But I wasn't in pain.

Then I moved, into a new town and into the offices of Doctor 3 and Specialist 4.

I don't trust Specialist 4.  But my options are few and I went anyhow.

He gave me shots.  Painful shots, shots that I made my medic-in-training friend administer to me, because I'm way to squeamish to do it myself.

And then I went to Specialist 5.  When my psoriasis was getting so bad that I wanted to rip my skin clear off my muscles, because I was pretty sure that would be less painful.

He dug a hole into my arm.  I don't know how deep the hole was, I didn't look.  But I smelled it.  I smelled the sweet-salty smell of my own flesh burning, when he had to close the wound from the biopsy.

"That's not psoriasis."

What?

"You don't have psoriasis."

Are you sure?

He was sure.  He was also pretty sure that I'm allergic to shellfish.  Or sharks.

How can you have psoriatic arthritis if my skin problems weren't psoriasis?  Why hadn't anyone ever done any tests like that before?  Why did they let me stay on supplement that I was allergic to, and never think twice about sending me to another doctor who might know more, if they were unsure?

What now, now that my diagnosis is unsure, and I don't trust a single one of my doctors?

I wish I didn't have to be a big girl all the time.